February 2008 | Sept. 2007 | July 2007 | Spring 2007 | May Day 2007

April 2009

   I just got back from a week in beautiful Maui, just in time to enjoy an equally beautiful snowfall in Boulder. Quite a contrast!

  Our trip was a bit of a contrast as well, as the story that follows explains.

  One morning, after a lovely yoga class, we took a drive down the west coast. As we rounded a curve we saw a guy on a cell phone standing precariously near our lane. The next thing we knew, he had hurled a rock at our windshield, which shattered, and that rock (or another) also completely took out our rear window.

  The thoughts and feelings immediately following and susequent to this event ran the gamut, as we dealt with the glass in ourselves and our stuff, getting into cell phone range, the police, all the locals who stopped, and the rental car, credit card, and insurance companies. We felt extreme gratitude that no one was seriously hurt (except perhaps that poor guy who found it necessary to behave as he did), exasperation with the various corporate entities involved and anxiety over the monetary consequences (a long story, but it appears we may have to pay for this out-of-pocket.... word to the wise: use the SAME credit card to pre-pay AND secure the rental car when you pick it up), as well as a taste of post- traumatic stress.

  As I tried to work with these experiences, so many of the teachings of yoga came to me, and the one that seemed to serve me best was remembering that I had a choice on how to respond to each of these flavors of experience. There was a part of me that was strong and clear, watching the fear, anxiety, frustration and sadness pulse through me. While I did not want to deny any of these from arising, I had to continue reminding myself of the larger perspective and actively cultivate patience, gratitude, love, compassion, and acceptance, over and over again. Some part of me wanted to sulk and feel depressed, but I chose instead to focus on enjoying the rest of our vacation time.

 The teaching "Life is a gift, yoga is the blessing" comes to me now as I watch the snow drifting down here in Boulder. Amidst the many challenges we all face, can we continue to receive the gift of our embodiment? We have the blessings of the teachings and our practice of yoga to guide us. May we remember and remind each other of them!

February 2009

LIFT YOURSELF UP

I recently found myself in a mid-winter funk, and I knew I had to do something to snap out of it. As I was in the midst of teaching a course on the Bhagavad Gita, I realized I needed to have a conversation with myself. As you may know, the Bhagavad Gita takes place in the middle of a battlefield where the warrior Arjuna refuses to fight and has a long conversation with his charioteer, Krishna. In my case, Krishna emerged as I wrote in my journal, as I paused to take stock of where I was and what I needed to do next.

Where I was, I was shocked to discover, was in a situation similar to that I watched my mom go through in the later years of her life. Since she was retired, there was little she absolutely had to do. So she chose to do, basically, not much. Like many of us who have worked hard, we need time to relax. But when does relaxation become withdrawal or resignation? I remember many conversations with my mom in which she would say "I just feel tired, I need to do X, Y, Z, but later." I would remind her of the vicious cycle we can fall in to, in which we don't eat well, don't exercise, don't do things, generally don't take care of ourselves and we end up not feeling well, in bad shape, bummed we haven't gotten things done, which leads to feeling worse. Quite the downward spiral. We see this all the time in our friends and relatives.

Sometimes it is harder to see it in ourselves.

In my journal I wrote: PRACTICE WHAT YOU TEACH..

And that week, I had been teaching verse 6.5 from the Bhagavad Gita which directly addresses that downward spiraling tendency toward lethargy and withdrawal that some of us get sucked in to: 
One should uplift oneself by the self
One should not degrade oneself
For the self indeed can be a friend to oneself
And the self indeed can be an enemy of oneself.

Remember those old cartoons that had the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, talking in to the ears of someone who was deciding what choice to make? Which voice does one listen to? There was a part of me that felt directionless and a bit depressed, and somehow that had become the loudest voice. But some other part of me knew there was more, and that's why I sat down with my journal to let a different voice come out through my pen.

Each of us has these different selves, and part of our dance in life is to discover what encourages the voice of the "friend" to speak. For me, journaling is one way. Listening to music. Reading inspirational writings. Walking in nature. Practicing yoga! That mid-winter afternoon, after I gave voice to that part of myself that had somehow become veiled, I literally picked myself up out of my chair and went for a walk, which gave even more space to the uplifting voice. During that walk, I thought about some of the things I wanted to start doing. See how the spiral can shift?

It all starts with a choice to pause, move toward the divine friend within you, and take part in the conversation. There is a part of you yearning to uplift you....will you listen? Will you give it voice? Will you choose to do those things that you know move you toward that upward spiral? Will you act in a way that brings all of your selves into greater alignment?

Oh yeah....one of the things I decided to do on that walk: write more! Let me know if you find it useful.

February 2008

"VALENTINE'S DAY..."

Valentine's day is the day of love, an opportunity to acknowledge those you love. And it doesn't have to be romantic love, although our culture has turned it into that. It can simply be a day of love, of remembering all those who love and support you. Ultimately our ability to truly love and support others comes from a genuine love of ourselves. This is where we start: by cultivating an honest love for ourselves, compassion and respect for ourselves. Remember how precious this life is, and cultivate the sweet gifts of your life. Take care of yourself, for you are truly worth it! Then let that love reverberate to those around you, and remind them of how special they are and how much you love them. Do it today and any day!

September 2007

"THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME..."

I am so aware of this at the moment, having been away for most of the summer with my mom, and then dealing with her funeral and estate. Driving from West Virginia to Colorado took us through Kansas, and got me thinking about Oz (every gas station has figurines of Dorothy and her friends). My return home has been filled with gratitude and I look forward to settling in after this summer's storm.

Wherever you live, life is offering you blessings. I wanted to share with you some of the blessings I have received in my absence and the short time I have been home:

- studio managers arranged substitute teachers for me
- teachers came forward to substitute my classes
- so many emails and cards received were a solace to me
- a sweet committed partner who flew to my rescue, busted butt to get Mom's house cleared, and drove me back home
- individuals who took care of my cats....food, water, poop, and love!
- my Aunt Linda, my mom's sister and primary caretaker, who continues to help me in so many ways
- my Uncle John and Aunt Sue who drove to Morgantown many times to visit me and my mom, and surrounded me in support through the funeral
- everyone who has been patient with me and given me space to grieve and heal, especially all the people I work with professionally
- VIC'S!!!!!!!! The best latte on the planet and home of some nice quiet time and great company too.
- the Boulder Farmer's Market...sights and smells of beauty and sustenance
- gifts of flowers and fruit from friends I met at that market
- a surprise weeding party - including folks who didn't even know me - took my weed-filled yard to task...and CONQUERED!!!
- hikes in our incredible open space...views of the Divide ...sunset colors at Wonderland Lake...more to come
- the availability of healthy food
- the availability of incredible treats (Spruce Confections comes to mind)
- walking down the mall and meeting a friend in every block...so many hugs!
- teaching my first yoga class to a sweet and supportive group
- making my way back into my yoga practice and opening up my tired and stiff body and heart
- purrs and meows and cuddles form Pearl and Jasmine
- tomatoes, basil, peppers, and squash , despite benign neglect in my garden
- deer in the yard
- blue Colorado skies and puffy white clouds
- thunderstorms
- gifted healing bodywork
- a neighbor helping the unloading of our rental truck
- moments of grief and memories of the love I share with my mom
- sipping tea and writing in my journal in the morning light

These are just the things that come immediately to mind, there are SO MANY MORE!

LIFE IS A BLESSING

May we remember all that is flowing toward us.Each of you are a blessing as well. I hope to see you sometime this fall.

Please check classes page for my current schedule.

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July 2007

"NO REGRETS"

One of my favorite teachings is encapsulated as “be the person you are to become.” I have pondered this idea for several years, and find it enriching my life, particularly as I face some real life-changing decisions.

We always have a choice on how to respond in a given situation, and our first reaction is not necessarily our best choice. For example, I remember once in college when I was very angry at my boyfriend, and I happened to be adding honey to some tea at that moment, and had the impulse to throw the honey from the dipper into his beautiful long blonde hair....yes, I did it, and the moment it was released, I knew I’d regret it. I felt so bad as he sat looking at me woefully with his big brown eyes. I had a mess to clean up, literally and figuratively. So I had to spend all that energy to become the person I was to be after the mess was cleaned up. Not only did I have to spend all that energy getting the honey out of his hair and give a lot of “sugar” to repair the bad feelings, I also had to deal with my own judgment of myself for reacting so inappropriately. Wouldn't’t it have been so much easier to simply be the more reasonable, learned, loving, and mature person I was AFTER the mess was mitigated.

This is a somewhat trivial example, but it makes the point. In the present moment we have the opportunity to be our future self. And the importance of this teaching is that then we will have no regrets! This teaching has so many implications on the issues we face on all levels of our individual lives, and our lives in relationships and communities. I have been facing some difficult decisions regarding my immediate future: do I stay in Boulder and continue growing as a yoga teacher, sharing the teachings, and hopefully enhancing the lives of my students...or...do I move to West Virginia to help my mom through a very difficult illness in the last phase of her life? Both choices offer me blessings, and likely some regrets, though it has become clear to me that the latter option is the one that speaks most clearly to my heart, because I am hearing from so many of you this same message of “no regrets.” Some decisions are time dependent, “now or never,” the opportunity for supporting my mother will not be there in the future, whereas the opportunity for sharing the teachings will likely be there in the future. And I want to move into that future having no regrets.

So I will be leaving Boulder on August 6, for an undetermined amount of time, to be with my mom in my hometown, Morgantown, West Virginia. Many of you have already expressed your support of this decision, and every location I teach at (and some that I don’t) has made it clear that I will be embraced when I return.

I appreciate and welcome your love and support in any form it takes, especially as the weeks/months extend into the future. With your love and understanding I can move into the future with no regrets.

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Late Spring 2007

"GARDENING"

I experienced this last week a wonderful coincidence of topics in two of my great loves: gardening and yoga philosophy. I have been trying to put in my vegetables, and figure out how to make my mess of a yard somewhat less of a jungle.  Meanwhile, I am studying the last chapter of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra, and came upon this aphorism (4.3): Incidental events do not directly cause natural evolution, but remove obstacles like a gardener opening an irrigation canal.

I thought of all I had been doing in my garden: setting up a watering system, removing weeds, and transplanting sweet young tomatoes and herbs into carefully prepared holes, full of fresh dirt and compost.  And looking at the rest of my weed-stricken yard, I began to contemplate the difference between a garden and the forest: it is a matter of conscious choice, and acting on those choices. And, of course, this is the story of our lives, how do we want to grow the garden of our lives? Do we let it just go to weed? What plants do we choose to nourish, which do we weed out?  What can we do to create the most beauty and fruitfulness?  These are the questions that we answer, consciously or not, with each of our actions on a moment by moment basis.

And we must remember that within this whole process we plant our seeds, set our individual intentions, yet we are not in control! (remember the hail storm last year?!?) So we cultivate as well a connection to the greater flow, and learn how to move with that flow. We consider carefully the plant that will grow most vigorously given our individual situation.

So as we enjoy this beautiful spring, may we all consider how we can best nourish the garden of our lives, our yoga, our work, our family, our relationships, our community, and the planet, and how we can move best with the flow to create the most beautiful and productive gardens ever!

May 2007

"MAY DAY"

Beltane, or May Day is our halfway point between the spring equinox and the summer solstice.

I love the image of May Day, and the maypole dance...a celebration of the dance of life.  There is a long pole decorated with ribbons.  The ribbons attach to the top, and men and women alternate holding these ribbons, facing each other, and dancing around the pole, wrapping the ribbons from the sky down to the earth.  So all these beautifully diverse ribbons come together, weaving a beautiful pattern, representative of abundance, beauty, and diversity.

I think of the pole as the big consciousness, and the ribbons as the many ways consciousness has manifested.. Each of us is beautiful and unique, yet tied together in so many intricate patterns. May we dance the dance of remembrance, recognizing our own divine essence, celebrating the abundance of the earth, and the diversity with which the divine manifests.. .

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO VISIT MY PAST MUSINGS....

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